Let me preface this by saying: there are very few breakups that will leave you feeling like a hashtag Bad Bitch. Trust me, I’ve been there, done that. And in more circumstances than not, eating obscene amounts of Ben & Jerry’s and listening to “My Heart Will Go On” might seem a more fitting route.
I guess this is also an appropriate time to tell you guys: hi, I’m single!
Without getting into all the juicy deets, I want to say I’ve been in both situations. I’ve found myself struggling to get over a relationship, walking around like a sad shell who exclusively listens to indulgently sad songs and watches weepy-stupid chick flicks with a white wine IV. (Trust me, it wasn’t pretty.)
I’ve been through the breakups that legitimately leave you feeling broken. I’ve also been through the breakups that feel something like coming up for a breath of air. This time, I’m happy (and relieved as fuck) to say, I’m more in the latter category. The Bad Bitch category. The “I’m Feelin’ Sexy & Freeeee” category.
Wait, did I just break into song?
I mean, yes. I did. But conveniently so, because this post is dedicated to my official Ultimate Bad Bitch Breakup Playlist, that will both help you to get over his/her ass, while also making you feel empowered as fuck. Or, at least, that’s what I hope. No weepy music here, folks.
A good friend once told me, as I cried into my vodka during a time of particular relationship turmoil, “Sarah, don’t be a sad bitch. Be a bad bitch.” Perhaps the most solid piece of advice I’ve ever been imparted. And now, I’d like to share the same sentiment with you.
The Ultimate Bad Bitch Breakup Playlist
1.) “Good as Hell” – Lizzo
Ok, so first thing’s first: Lizzo is a damn queen. I could watch this feel good, sassy as hell video on repeat. And if the video doesn’t do it for you, I can almost assure you the lyrics will. Anyone who’s feeling a little worn down by a bad relationship – this song is your new anthem. You’re “bye, boy” don’t-give-a-fuck anthem:
“Woo girl, need to kick off your shoes
Got to take a deep breath, time to focus on you
All the big fights, long nights that you been through
I got a bottle of Tequila I been saving for you
Boss up and change your life
You can have it all, no sacrifice
I know he did you wrong, we can make it right
So go and let it all hang out tonight
Cause he don’t love you anymore
So walk your fine ass out the door
And do your hair toss
Check my nails
Baby how you feelin’?
Feeling good as hell.”
2.) “Something New” – Summer Cannibals
Listen, not all breakups are easy. Some breakups can trigger a sort of existential crisis. Sometimes, you might want to pursue a you that’s as new as your new “normal.” In this case, Summer Cannibals frontwoman Jessica Boudreaux does so in the form of drastic haircuts, neck tattoos and getting ridiculously, inappropriately wasted. Maybe let’s all think of our parents and not jump straight to the neck tattoo part (though parts A and C are probably pretty familiar…), but if you’re feeling a little lost, hurt, or maybe even a bit vengeful, this song is for you.
“I’ve been lookin’ for something new,
To keep my head busy while I get over you”
3.) “It Ain’t Me” – Selena Gomez
I know this song is mainstream as hell, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t one of my current favorites. Even if your relationship ended cordially (mine did), sometimes the “Not my problem anymore” sentiment still has its place. Sometimes, it’s nice to embrace the fact that you don’t have anyone to worry about but your damn self.
“Who’s gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?
Who’s gonna rock you when the sun won’t let you sleep?
Who’s waking up to drive you home when you’re drunk and all alone?
Who’s gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?
It ain’t me.”
4.) “Sorry” – Beyonce
Aside from the fact that the Lemonade album as a whole is a goddamn feminist masterpiece, it is also (the first half, anyway) particularly therapeutic if you’re going though a breakup. If you’re holding on to some guilt, or unable to shake some of those residual feelings as you enter the world of singledom, Beyonce’s “Sorry, I ain’t sorry” anthem will instill you with the confidence and badassery you need to power through.
“I an’t thinking ‘bout you,
I ain’t thinking ‘bout you,
Middle fingers up, put them hands high,
Wave it in his face, tell him, boy, bye
Tell him, boy, bye, boy, bye, middle fingers up
I ain’t thinking ‘bout you
Sorry, I ain’t sorry.”
5.) “Breakin’ Up” – Rilo Kiley
So, you’ve been stuck for too long in a relationship that just isn’t working. Maybe you’ve tried the whole “breakup” thing before. Maybe, finally, at the end of it all, it doesn’t feel earthshattering or heartbreaking at all – just, freeing. It’s okay to want to best for you, just like you’d want the best for your ex-partner, even if it may be hard to think of your future-selves right now. Like Jenny Lewis croons, “Honey, I’m afraid to say you deserve everything.” This song was written for every breakup playlist ever.
“Here’s to all the pretty words we will never speak
Here’s to all the pretty girls you’re gonna meet
Are we breaking up?
Are we breaking up?
Is there trouble between you and I?
Did my heart break enough?
Did it break enough this time
It feels good to be free
It feels good to be free
It feels good to be fee.”
6.) “I Love It” – Icona Pop
Not only is this song the perfect “don’t need no man” number, but it’s also great if you just need to ~dance it out.~ Sure, the lyrics are a little…. extra? (Did I use that word right? Am I showing my age? I’m showing my age.) But we can all live vicariously through the song’s energy without *actually* crashing our cars into a bridge, y’know?
“I don’t care, I love it, I don’t care
You’re on a different road, I’m in the milky way
You want me down on earth, but I am up in space
You’re so damn hard to please, we gotta kill this switch
You’re from the 70’s, but I’m a 90’s bitch”
7.) “Forever” – Haim
We all know that the ladies of Haim kill it on a consistent basis, and if you were unaware, make a date with Youtube and get yourself up to speed. “Forever” is definitely at the top of their game. Straightforward and catchy, this song details the maybe-familiar feeling of trying too long to make a relationship work, of wanting so badly for it to work, but ultimately doing the right thing and getting out.
“Forever we tried to make it right
But together we saw the end in sight,
I’m tired of fighting the good fight,
If you say the word then I’ll say goodbye.”
Obligatory Bonus Song:
“Dancing on My Own” – Robyn
Ok, so maybe this isn’t the same kind of empowering breakup song as the rest on the list. And maybe, it isn’t even really a breakup song at all. And maybe I’m breaking my own rules a little bit because yeah, this song is definitely a little sad. But that aside, I think we can all agree that a solo dance sesh to Robyn’s magnum opus is often just the medicine one needs.
Whether you’re going through a breakup, rocking the single life or happily settled down, let’s not forget that deep down we are all #badbitches, and that we are all ultimately in control of our own happiness. So grab your headphones, press play, and let this playlist show you the way.